Mr. Regular's Daily Schedule

7:00am

Madding boner.

7:05am

Fall back asleep.

9:00am

Regain consciousness as the clock radio goes off tuned to NPR. The news is scheduled at this hour. A superior-sounding anchor tells me that I'm guilty of African massacres and messing up the Consohocken Curve.

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9:15am

Still in bed, phone in hand looking at twitter/facebook. Radio is playing the news. It will be 40 degrees Fahrenheit forever.

9:30am

Still in bed. Vine.

9:40am

Still in bed. Feeling guilty that I am still in bed.

9:45am

Rise. Naked.

10:00am

Remove hand wraps from bathroom sink, drape over shower curtain. Brush teeth.

10:05am

Turn on computer. Get cereal. Usually Multi-Grain Cheeros/Fiber-One Raisin Bran/Shreaded Mini Wheats

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10:10am – 11:20am

Check emails and waste time online.

11:30am –12:30pm

Cup of coffee and Fiber-One bar. Set timer for one-hour. Edit 2-minuets of an RCR episode.

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12:40pm – 1:00pm

In bathroom. World War Brown.

1:01pm – 2:00pm

Waste time online check emails

2:01pm – 2:09pm

Jerk off

2:10pm – 2:15pm

Shower.

2:30pm

Lunch. Rice, mixed vegetables, varying meat. Hot sauce and fruit juice. Eaten at computer while editing RCR episode at a slower pace than before.

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3:00pm

Lunch Part Two.

3:10 pm

Hear local school buses go by. Realize that students just had an entire day of school go by and I haven't stepped outside yet. Shame.

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3:15 pm

Borderlands 2. Shame.

3:30 pm- 4:30pm

Step outside with Sanza Clip. Earbuds in, playing Joe Rogan Podcast. Wander town. Usually end up at grocery store. Buy frozen concentrated juice, cheese. If needed, bring backpack and buy meat, rice vegetables.

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4:35pm- 5:30pm

Edit RCR and browse various social media.

5:40pm – 7:30pm

Go to gym. Long run on treadmill or boxing class, depending on the day. Avoid eye-to-penis contact with old men in locker room. Difficult, they are very talkative and perpetually naked.

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8:00pm

Back home. Protean shake. Turn computer back on

8:10pm

Shower.

8:20pm

Cook dinner. Copious amounts of onions. Load up rice cooker with Jasmine and frozen vegetables. Meat cooked with onions in an ancient deep steel saucepan.

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8:50pm

Dinner. Eaten at computer while editing RCR, watching youtube videos, social media. Think about girls who were nice to me in college.

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9:00pm

Google Chrome Incognito mode.

9:05pm

Gin Martini

9:10pm

Edit RCR in the lackadaisical way.

9:30pm

Gin Martini, stronger this time. Glass of fruit juice.

10:00pm

Second helping of dinner. Borderlands 2 or Twitch Stream of Automation

10:30pm -11:30pm

Gin Martini. Lying on the floor writing. 1960's Lounge music. Favorite part of the day.

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12:00am- 12:30am

Back on computer. General internet tomfoolery

12:35am

Brush teeth. Strip naked. Lie in bed with phone. Vine, Twitter, look up people I used to know.

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1:00am

Pick an Alen Watts audio lecture

1:30am

Sleep

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